Sleep regressions might not be real. Your exhaustion definitely is.

It's 3 a.m., and the baby who was finally sleeping in long stretches is wide awake again. You've googled it twice. Every article says the same two words: sleep regression. And somewhere in your exhausted brain is a quiet worry that you did something to cause it.

You didn't. Let's look at what the research actually says, because it's kinder than the internet.

Night waking is normal, for longer than you'd think

A 2018 study in Pediatrics followed 388 babies in Canada. At six months, 38% weren't yet sleeping six hours in a row at night, and 57% weren't sleeping eight. At a year, 28% still weren't sleeping six straight hours, and 43% weren't sleeping eight (HealthDay has a good summary).

Even more reassuring: in these typically developing babies, the researchers found no link between waking at night and later mental or motor development. A baby who wakes up a lot is, very often, just a baby.

So are sleep regressions real?

You'll see them listed at 4, 8, 12 and 18 months, and at two years. The honest answer is that the research doesn't show a clear, predictable dip at those ages. Economist Emily Oster looked at the evidence and found that data on infant sleep shows nighttime stretches getting longer through the first year, with no clear drop at four months.

That doesn't mean you're imagining it. Rough patches are real. They just tend to have ordinary causes rather than a schedule:

• New skills. Rolling, crawling, pulling up and walking are exciting enough that some babies practice in the crib at 2 a.m.
• Separation anxiety. Many babies get clingier in the second half of the first year, and bedtime is a separation.
• Illness and teeth. Colds, ear infections and new teeth all disrupt sleep for a few nights.
• Schedule changes. Dropping a nap, a new daycare, travel and daylight saving time can all knock things off for a week or two.

The phrase sleep regression can make it sound like progress was lost. It wasn't. It's a bump, and most bumps pass in a week or two.

How much sleep little kids need

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine, with the American Academy of Pediatrics' endorsement, recommends these totals per 24 hours, naps included:

• Babies 4 to 12 months: 12 to 16 hours.
• Toddlers 1 to 2 years: 11 to 14 hours.
• Preschoolers 3 to 5 years: 10 to 13 hours.

Those are wide ranges on purpose. Some kids are naturally on the low end, and that's OK if they're generally happy and healthy during the day.

What helps during a rough patch

• Keep the routine boring. The same few steps every night (bath, pajamas, book, song) tell a little brain that sleep is coming.
• Watch for overtiredness. An earlier bedtime for a few nights often helps more than a later one.
• Offer comfort, then step back. It's fine to soothe a sick or scared baby. Try not to start something new you can't keep up once the bump passes.
• Keep sleep safe, even when you're desperate. Babies sleep on their backs, on a firm, flat surface, with no pillows, blankets or bumpers.

What about sleep training?

If you're considering it, here's what the evidence says. A randomized trial in Australia followed 326 children for five years after their parents learned gentle behavioral sleep techniques. It found no lasting harm (and no lasting difference) in children's emotions, behavior, stress or closeness with their parents. A smaller 2016 trial of 43 babies found that graduated extinction and bedtime fading improved sleep, with no difference in attachment at 12 months.

So sleep training is a choice, not a requirement. Responding to every waking is a choice too. Both are loving. The right one is the one your family can live with.

Please take care of you

Sleep deprivation is hard on bodies and moods. Trade nights with a partner if you can, say yes when someone offers to hold the baby while you nap, and lower the bar on everything else for a while.

If you're feeling hopeless, anxious all the time or not like yourself, please tell your doctor. The free, confidential National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is available 24/7 by call or text at 1-833-852-6262.

You are not doing it wrong. You're doing one of the hardest jobs there is, in the dark, on not enough sleep. That's what love looks like at 3 a.m.

This is general information from one parent to another, not medical advice. Your pediatrician knows your child best, so check in with them about anything that worries you.